While searching for a new phone case on Amazon I came across Hentai Dakimakura Body Pillow on Amazon. Then I found this glorious review by someone else who came across this body pillow, like, literally. Numerous times.

Hentai Body Pillow Amazon Review

“I’ve had this body pillow for so long that It could probably stop a bullet. If you know what I mean 😉 but seriously I almost cut my self the other night with this body pillow.

Update: The FBI came in and demanded that I surrender my body pillow, because they needed it for one of their operations. They wanted me to supply more as it could be used as a blast shield since it was so hard. They’re going to keep supplying me with more but i can’t get attached to them for long before i have to surrender them. At least I know that these rock solid pillows are going to save lives…
-Yuuji Kazami Out”

My favorite part has to be the sign-off at the end. Yuuji Kazami, you’re a righteous human being and I’m grateful for your existence.