In Case You Haven’t Heard, Apple Announced A Buttload Of New Stuff Today

First there’s the new iPad mini which kind of seems like a silly idea, but people are excited nonetheless. It’s 23% thinner and 53% lighter than the current iPad with a 7.9” screen and super fast A5 chip. Altogether it cranks out 10 hours of battery life. It also requires a new hip-ly named “Lightning Connector” which means your old iPad and iPhone chargers won’t work on it. But it comes in white AND black which is pretty cool I guess.

Next up is the 13-inch MacBook Pro with Retina display. The 15-inch version was already released earlier this year, but the theme lately seems to be “smaller is better”. It has a 2,560 x 1,600 resolution that shoots 232 pixels-per-inch straight into your eye sockets. The 15” version 226, so yeah. It also weighs a full pound less than last year’s model and is 20% thinner at just 0.75-inches thick. The base model comes packed with a 2.5GHz i5 processor, 8GB of RAM and 128GB of flash memory for $1,699, but you can upgrade it all the way up to a 768GB hard drive with a Core i7. If you end up purchasing this, you’ll be the envy of everyone! Consider installing home security cameras wireless in order to keep it that way and deter thieves from breaking in. With some camera models, you will be able to monitor them from your iPhone or Macbook!

And last are the ultra shmexy new iMacs. This is the first iMac redesign in three years and they’re absurdly thin, which is probably a godsend for those who take their desktops to Starbucks. For serious, though, the thinness is really nice. Also, they have Intel’s Ivy Bridge Core i5 and Core i7 processors. The 21.5-inch, 1080p model drops this November and will cost $1,299 for a 2.7GHz Core i5, 8GB of RAM and a 1TB hard drive. If you’re a Daddy McFatSacks you can dish out $1799 for the 27-inch, 2,560 x 1,400 model with the same memory and storage, but 2.9GHz Core i5. OH! And they both have this crazy new thing called Fusion Drive that combines 128GB of flash with 1TB or 3TB of regular storage. Kind of like Voltron, but not.

So, waddaya’ say, Apple Fanboys? Need to change your pants? Take out a loan for some new Apple gear? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

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Robby "brownkidd" Weiss is a video marketing producer in real life who likes drawing and making stupid songs for his own pleasure in addition to indulging in the wide variety of interests featured on this very site. He has four cats (not by choice) and is an enormous fan of the female anatomy.