And Your New Batman Is…

Benjamin. Fucking. Affleck.

I bet Marvel threw a party when they found out.

The Wrap broke the news that Ben Affleck will play Batman in the Zack Snyder directed Man of Steel sequel which is set for a July 17, 2015 release.

Warner Bros. is all up on Afflek’s 8=D these because he’s shown some real chops when it comes to producing, directing, and acting in his own shit that he produces/directs (probably because he has more on the line if he sucks), so the studio figured “Shit! He has dark hair, make him the new Dark Knight!”

“We knew we needed an extraordinary actor to take on one of DC Comics’ most enduringly popular super heroes, and Ben Affleck certainly fits that bill, and then some,” said WB’s president of production Greg Silverman. “His outstanding career is a testament to his talent and we know he and Zack will bring new dimension to the duality of this character.”

I invented this scenario in my head where Kevin Smith has it in real good with somebody who coordinate’s all of DC’s shit for WB and he was like “Yo, get my boy this job!”

Added Snyder: “Ben provides an interesting counter-balance to Henry’s Superman. He has the acting chops to create a layered portrayal of a man who is older and wiser than Clark Kent and bears the scars of a seasoned crime fighter, but retain the charm that the world sees in billionaire Bruce Wayne. I can’t wait to work with him.”

You know who else had these acting chops in spades? Josh Brolin. Dude’s grizzled and manly as fuck and can totally pull off the whole tortured hero thing. Instead we’re stuck with Affleck’s weird underbite peeking through the cowl and his whiny voice trying to sound intimidating.

Still holding out hope that we’re all just being punked.