Here’s a screenshot from Captain America: The Winter Soldier showing Cap’s to-do list. Poor dude. Frozen for nearly 70 years, there’s a lot he has to catch up on like Thai food, educating himself on the ups and downs of the Berlin wall, and apparently he’s unsure about Rocky II. At least he got Star Wars out of the way.
Sheesh, Steve! You should put buy a smartphone on that list because there’s totally an app for keeping track of all that stuff. Christ, you could knock that list out in a few days ON a smartphone!
HOW MANY TIMES WOULD HARRY AND MARV HAVE DIED IN THE ‘HOME ALONE' MOVIES?
I always wondered this, even as a kid. Sure, I’d seen hundreds of boulders, anvils, safes, pianos and more dropped on Wile E. Coyote’s head in cartoons, but I still wince when that iron drops on Marv’s head in Home Alone. And then there was the scene in Home Alone 2 where Kevin is chucking bricks at Marv’s skull from a rooftop and I always thought he’d be dead as shit in real life.
Screen Junkies got a doctor to diagnose every injury sustained by the Wet Bandits across both Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost In New York and the final conclusion is further proof that they just don’t make kid flicks like they used to.
‘ADVENTURE TIME' MEETS 'ZERO DARK THIRTY’
Special agents Finn and Jake have been sent on a mission to take down a powerful ice king, but it looks like they’ve assassinated the wrong guy. Honest mistake.
Art by ProxyGreen on deviantART.
Ruffles’ Facebook Page Has the Best Photoshop Ever
It’s 1 AM, I’m drunk and carefully typing this, and I’m just letting everyone know that Ruffles has a Facebook page and whoever maintains it uses photoshop in a hilariously poor fashion.
The Home Alone star is all grown-up and in a band called The Pizza Underground. They cover Velvet Underground songs, but change the lyrics to make them more pizza-y. Sounds about right.
The popular manga/anime sensation gets Rule 34'd.
(WARNING: This is a very, very, VERY NSFW post. You’ve been warned.)
Telemarketing Robot Won’t Admit She’s A Robot
So, apparently this is a thing that telemarketers are doing now. This chick totally sounds like a real person… until she starts sounding like a robot. Creepy stuff.
The phone call was recorded by TIME Washington Bureau Chief Michael Scherer.
When Scherer asked point blank if she was a real person, or a computer-operated robot voice, she replied enthusiastically that she was real, with a charming laugh. But then she failed several other tests. When asked “What vegetable is found in tomato soup?” she said she did not understand the question. When asked multiple times what day of the week it was yesterday, she complained repeatedly of a bad connection.
Over the course of the next hour, several TIME reporters called her back, working to uncover the mystery of her bona fides. Her name, she said, was Samantha West, and she was definitely a robot, given the pitch perfect repetition of her answers. Her goal was to ask a series of questions about health coverage—”Are you on Medicare?” etc.—and then transfer the potential customer to a real person, who could close the sale.
The robot voice’s name is Samantha West and the company behind the calls denies that she’s a robot.
It’s all very weird and just makes me think of HAL from 2001: A Space Odyssey and you should read the whole and listen to more calls over on the TIME website.
Battle Wedding Crashed By Batman, Iron Man, & More
This is pretty much the geek wedding to end all geek weddings. Saddened by the lack of lightsabers though.
Street Fighter II: Church Edition
These preachers sure know how to keep the Raging Demon away. Good thing they haven’t messed with me. My Third Strike skills would have parried the shit out of that shodo magic.
Want: Batman Tumbler Golf Cart
This golf cart was customized to look like the Tumbler from the Chris Nolan Batman films and it was actually used on the Warner Bros. lot where the films were made! This is perfect for ridding your local golf course of unwanted villainy or doing donuts in the mall parking lot until security calls the cops, in which case just try and catch me!
This is up for grabs on eBay for a ridiculous price and the auction ends in three days. Buy it for me or don’t buy it at all.
(via Nerd Approved)
Retro PS4 Mockup
This throwback comes complete with a wood-grain finish and bright orange buttons. I know it has nothing to do with the oldschool Atari design, but I kind of wish it had a digital clock display in the top left..
This Is What It Looks Like When A Dead Sperm Whale Explodes
How much do you think the average whale exploder guy makes per hour? Do you think they let him keep that whale-poking sword forever? Do you think he has to clean the mess up too, or maybe there’s a different guy for that?
The above pic was taken from the video below. Check it out if you have the stomach for it.
“Pressure pushing down on me
Pressing down on you no man ask for
That burns a building down
Splits a sperm whale in two
Puts entrails on streets”
We salute you, sperm whale exploder man. You truly are the master exploder.
How To Always Win In Connect Four
In a nutshell: always go first, always drop it down the middle on your first move, and as long as you don’t play like an idiot the game’s all yours. Math.