A Positive Customer Review of SimCity

If you haven’t heard anything on the new embarrassingly atrocious SimCity video game, or if you’ve been living under a rock with no Wifi for the last couple of weeks, let’s catch up to speed.

EA Games released Maxis’ SimCity weeks ago. People bought it. A lot of people couldn’t play it. The game has to run online and always needs Internet to play since it runs cloud-based, but the thing is, EA’s servers can’t handle that. The servers aren’t fit for its players, thus, a huge chunk of folks who bought the game can’t even play it. EA tried saying sorry by giving out free games, but I don’t think anyone cares.

Amazon user reviews on the title include 2,000+ negative one-star and two-star reviews. Amazon decided to take the download down in case anyone would purchase the item through them, due to so many user complaints.

But, if you can filter through some of the five-star game reviews Amazon users have to offer, you can find some really positive words to say about EA’s diaster of a video game, Sim City.

This is one of the most positive five-star reviews on Amazon right now toward the game, written by user plantos500:

You’d think I’d be mega unhappy like everyone else at the constant waiting and lack of actually being able to play a game I purchased.

Well, you’d be wrong.

The hours upon hours since launch that I haven’t been able to log in, whether it be sitting in queues, or server busy messages, or just plain old not working screens, I’ve managed to do a heap of things that I never do when I’m locked in my man cave playing video games.

I’ve washed the dishes, the laundry, changed the oil in the car, mopped the floors, dusted, did a spot of gardening, greeted my children who I hadn’t really seen since Christmas, walked the dog, asked how my wife’s day has been and listened to the entire response, restocked the groceries and many more things! My family has never been happier that they’ve got a father and husband again.

In fact, I feel like Simcity has given me a new lease on life. This wouldn’t have been possible without the seemingly crazy decision to have constant online connections and server side save points even for single player.

So I can only thank EA and Maxis. Your failures have been my rewards. 5 stars!

Dull Dad’s life has been changed forever, thanks to SimCity. Dull Dad is now deemed “Cool Dad,” after writing this user review, and we’re all happy for him and his life altering decision to purchase, and attempt to play, SimCity on his PC.

We hope that EA Games sees this post and is overcome with a sense of happiness, knowing that their product actually worked in making at least one person content.

Check it: More featured editorials on Albotas
Buy it: A good video game

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Critics Consensus: Tomb Raider

The much anticipated reboot of Tomb Raider by Crystal Dynamics/Square-Enix hit store shelves today, and without much surprise, it’s getting very positive reviews.

Lara Croft hasn’t been getting much talk since the Edios-published reboot trilogy comprised of Tomb Raider: Legend, Tomb Raider: Anniversary, and Tomb Raider: Underworld, but according to many critics, this is a drastically different experience. The game is much darker now (this is the first in the franchise to be rated ‘M’ for Mature) and pulls influence from the Uncharted video game series, as well as its own older titles.

Here’s what the critics had to say about the new reboot:

“The game itself contains some minor irritations, but Tomb Raider’s own failings are minimal – they only become magnified in light of the games it’s been inspired by and can be compared to. The story, script and cast fall some way short of the brilliance that the Uncharted series has consistently achieved, and the set-pieces never have quite the same ‘it’s too amazing for my brain to process’ factor. The exploration, side-activities and setting never compels or excites to the level of Far Cry 3, and the package offers much less for your money.” - Joel Gregory, Official PlayStation Magazine UK

“For those who have never delved into the series, Tomb Raider serves as a great first step. The combat is the best it’s ever been, puzzles are short but satisfying, and Yamatai is a veritable platforming playground. […] More importantly, it just may convince a new generation to like Tomb Raider again.” - Richard Mitchell, Joystiq

“The gaming equivalent of Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy, the latest Tomb Raider is a gritty franchise reboot, exploring the origins of everybody’s favorite female adventurer in a new environment. […] With a well written cast of characters, mightily impressive production techniques, sumptuous visuals, tight platforming and surprisingly enjoyable combat, Tomb Raideris most definitely a release to be treasured.” - Liam Martin, Digital Spy

“Beneath the noise there is an engaging story clamouring to be heard, and there are moments of true beauty, serenity and pathos fighting for attention. The game does get better as it goes on, and despite the distractions the last few hours are a pleasure to play. At the centre of it all is a brilliant character, still iconic but more human and believable than she’s ever been before.” - Ellie Gibson, EuroGamer

“Crystal Dynamics has nailed a pitch-perfect new vision for one of gaming’s most recognizable characters, and revitalizes her for what I hope will be many more installments.” - Matt Miller, GameInformer

“It doesn’t try to rewrite the book on third-person action adventure games. But with its excellent controls, engaging heroine, thrilling combat, and fascinating setting, it doesn’t need to. Lara may be covering some previously charted territory here, but Tomb Raider is so well-crafted, you won’t mind at all.” - Carolyn Petit, GameSpot

“Tomb Raider is well-written, sympathetic, exciting, beautiful and just incredibly well-made.” - Keza MacDonald, IGN

“It’s easy to point out the many ways that Tomb Raider borrows bits and pieces from other popular games of the last five years, but Crystal Dynamics has blended these disparate strengths into something remarkable. It’s cinematic yet open, intense yet laid-back, fresh yet polished. It’s a near-perfect embodiment of the age of the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 with a hint of what to expect next.” - Phillip Kolar, Polygon

Bottom line: Tomb Raider has proven to be a remarkable reboot of a beloved franchise. The game took bits and pieces of other games of this generation (Uncharted, Far Cry), mixed them up a bit, and provided an exciting a fresh new take on an old hero. While the multiplayer might not be on par, the writing, story, and overall gameplay experience makes the title really shine. This is THE game to play if you haven’t had a chance to experience previous Lara Croft titles.

Check it: More Tomb Raider on Albotas
Buy it: Tomb Raider (360) (PC) (PS3) 

Gunman Clive: A Worthy Bang for your Small Buck

The concept of indie-gaming really just turns me on in today’s game market. A tiny team or sole person creates a video game with a small budget, releases it, and the creator(s) waits for people to find it and dig through the game, leaving a player with the feeling of wanting more from the content’s source, or just similar titles. A big part of indie-gaming is also tapping into the nostalgia feeling, bringing back difficultly into levels similar to gaming in the early 90’s, and giving it to the consumer with a fresh, yet familiar new feeling.

In the case of Gunman Clive, Bertil Hörbergs (who worked on the Bionic Commando reboot), has given iOS and 3DS gamers an artsy sidescroller game for older gamers to appreciate and newer players to gaze upon wondrously. 

AWESOME

• The sepia art style is pretty and makes you feel as if you’re walking through a sketch. It’s minimal, yet it works very well.
• Gunman Clive really taps into the nostalgia factor here, taking direct inspiration from old-school sidescrollers titles like Mega Man.
• Leaping from platform to platform and instantly dying is never frustrating, but actually a fun experience thanks to instant respawning.
• Learning to play the game takes very little time. This is an easy title to pick up and play.
• Different characters offers chances to play the title over, offering multiple experiences.
• It’s only two fucking dollars.

NOT AWESOME

• Hour worth of playtime. 
• It’s only $2. I’m not really upset here…

The fantastic sepia art style that Gunman Clive boasts gives it a unique repackaging of an old-school 90’s game. Think of this game as a western Mega Man, in which you’ll play the role of a cowboy (or Cliveman’s beau that offers different control abilities, as well as an unlockable character when you beat the game once) strategically shooting enemies, while also avoiding instant death-traps, jumping from platform to platform, and fighting tough bosses through each level. Along the way, you’ll pick up different brief weapon abilities (three-way shooter, rockets, etc.) that aid in fighting pesky enemy cowboys and flying birds.

What really makes this game challenging is the fact that there are no checkpoints on any level, meaning you’ll eventually learn simple platform movement patterns, as well as what lies ahead of your path after each death you experience. That’s not a bad thing either — Gunman Clive does it in such a way where you really do learn from your mistakes. Every death you tally up returns your main character to the very start of the short stage in an instant, as to not make this experience especially frustrating.

This game definitely deserves a couple of play-throughs. Though Gunman Clive may be a bit brief, it’s got a beautiful looking style, and the game offers multiple options for re-playing the title. The title fantastic, and for a measly $2, you’ve got nothing to lose.

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Critics Consensus: Aliens: Colonial Marines

Today saw the release of the Aliens title everyone has been waiting for since forever. I’m not too sure why so many people were excited for Aliens: Colonial Marines at all, considering the previous entries published by Sega weren’t so great, plus the title just looks like another generic space marine video game. But hey, it had a sweet ass collector’s edition release and it has the title “Aliens,” in it, so I guess that was enough to intrigue the lot of gamers.

Reviews came out and I think it’s safe to say that critics didn’t really have a mixed message here, as most major gaming sites have pretty much bashed this game to bits. 

”It’s empty and nostalgic, meticulous and dated. More importantly, it’s hands-off. Like a museum, Colonial Marines is at its best when you’re admiring the view. The moment you attempt to reach out to interact you’re met with a barrier, reminding you that you’re there to look, not to touch.” - Hollander Cooper, GamesRadar

“The problem lies with the aliens themselves; they’re not smart enough to hunt in packs or take you by surprise, they just wilfully hurl themselves in front of your short, controlled bursts. There’s never a feeling of being outwitted or outmanoeuvred, just outraged that you’ve sat down to take on some deadly xenos in one of sci-fi’s most iconic settings and somehow ended up in the equivalent of a clunky, coin-operated shooting gallery.” - Tristan Ogilvie, IGN 

“Take away the Aliens license, and you’ve got a shooter that has no reason to exist.” - Jeff Cork, GameInformer

“Unlike the movies, which relied on atmosphere, ominous sounds, and sharp surprises to frighten the bejeezus out of you, the life of these space marines is far more Doom-like. Xenomorphs in the story campaign don’t stalk you — they just lunge, which negates what made them so scary in the first place. Replace them with velociraptors, zombies, or demons, and you’d have essentially the same game.” - Chuck Osborn, Official Xbox Magazine

“If Gearbox’s quality scale has Borderlands 2 at one end and Duke Nukem at the other, Colonial Marines sits somewhere in the middle.” - Leon Hurley, Official PlayStation Magazine UK

“Aliens: Colonial Marines famously considers itself the canonical sequel to Aliens, but the quality of its campaign reduces such a claim to little more than arrogant posturing, as this bumbling fan fiction dares compare itself to one of the most respected science fiction horror films of the 20th century. It barely deserves a comparison with Battlefield Earth. Clocking in at just under five hours, and containing very little in the way of actual story, Colonial Marines quickly establishes itself as nowhere near notable enough to be the ‘true sequel’ it claims to be.” - Jim Sterling, Destructoid

Bottom line: Don’t fucking play this game. It’s generic, the A.I. is absolutely retarded, the graphics are acceptable at best, and it’s got an extremely short campaign experience that ends with a terribly anti-climatic ending. The only thing Colonial Marines has going for it is its use of “Aliens,” in its title, which should be the only reason why anyone would glance at this in the first place. Fans of the series may overcome a nostalgic feeling for the franchise, but it’s safe to say this isn’t even worthy of a thought.

Oh, and it should also be noted that EGM has the sole positive review I’ve seen of this title.

“All things considered, Colonial Marines is a consistently solid, occasionally spectacular shooter that does more than enough to honor the Alien name. It was going to be a tough task from the onset, but despite a ton of potential pitfalls for the talented team at Gearbox, they’ve gone a long way toward reminding us that, for folks who love the craft of building great games, the best challenges only seem impossible. Like most successful license-based games, Aliens: Colonial Marines is much more than a loving homage; it serves as one of the most robust story-driven co-op experiences to date. The concept definitely has room to grow, but as maiden voyages go, Colonial Marines is a clear winner.” - Brandon Justice, EGM

Okay, Brandon. Okay.

New Song from Electronic/Future-Pop Upstart CHVRCHES

Glasgow band CHVRCHES has been making waves with their popular “The Mother We Share” and now brings us a song which has the possibility to eclipse that single. “Recover” features more of that killer synth sound with fantastic vocal work by front-woman Lauren Mayberry.

This song comes with news of a 5 track EP out 3/26/13 in the US. They are also currently working on their debut album.

When was the last time a band made such an impact from just singles and EPs?

Check It: More Music on Albotas
Buy It: The Mother We Share single